I woke up strangely feeling inspired to get things done, and I did! I got up sooner than I normally would, than go to the bank, took my 10 thousand step walk came home and worked on my painting, checked all my emails and did some social media marketing. This is a perfect day for productivity for me nowadays.
As I got everything done that I needed to I felt proud of myself! But when it was all said and done and I felt there was nothing left to do I felt empty again. I started resenting the fact that I got everything done making me feel this way. Usually, it's just me upset at the fact that I am useless and couldn't get everything I needed to do, oh how the tables turn.
And then I pick at all the things I did wrong. Like I ate leftover nachos from a restaurant from the night before and I went over my calorie limit by a lot. I felt like that 10 thousand step walk was useless. But some days I can't even get myself going to even make that walk. These are all first world problems so I feel guilty about complaining about it.
I did too much and I am tired while thinking I didn't do enough. While eating too much while thinking about what my next meal I'm going to have. Wanting to exercise but feeling too exhausted. My feelings have been super conflicted and I have no way of fixing it. I keep seeing a psychiatrist and I feel like he isn't helping me.
